Entries Tagged 'Sub’s Journal' ↓

Okay, so last night i prepared dinner for Master S – “sans Teen” – which allowed me to be completely nude as is His want, even when He’s not home. i waited for Him to arrive and soon i heard His big truck pull up outside the window. i turned on the dinner music, then raced to be in greeting position by the door.

Greeting position: n  def:  On floor with knees spread apart, forehead pressed to floor, nipples touching floor. Big toes on each foot are to be touching each other in a manner which exhibits a graceful arch of the foot. Warning: This requires a good measure of flexibility.

Master opened the door, which allowed the bitter winter air to rush over my bare skin. i uttered a quiet sound of protest. He said, “Hmmm, this is a nice surprise. i expected The Teen to be here tonight!” i informed Master that she was working at her part -time retail job for the evening.

He laid down His gym bag, removed His shoes and went to the bedroom to put on a clean shirt. Returning shortly, He proferred His hand for me to rise.

I must say that rising gracefully from this position is not an easy task. But I’ve since become more adept at doing so, hopefully making it appear almost effortless.

After a lingering kiss, we ate our dinner and caught up on the day’s events. Dinner with Master is always enjoyable and something to look forward to.

On a whim, as i was clearing the dishes from the table, i asked Master to dance with me. i turned the selection to “A Beautiful Mess” by Jason Mraz (who at times can be hopelessly boring, but i love this particular song). And we danced. Oh my, did we dance.

Bodies close. Master’s hands upon my skin. Me holding onto His strong body. Our lips barely left each other’s the entire time. Master has a way of transporting me to another dimension with His presence.

Soon after the song was done, Master sat on the couch and began thumbing through some news articles. i joined Him shortly…and soon He began stroking my pussy. Before i knew it, we were moving to the bedroom.

“Lay down” He commanded. Ohhhh….that voice. The Dom voice was in full effect. i knew i wouldn’t, couldn’t and, really didn’t want to, resist. i turned into a driven sexual mass at that point. F*%& i wanted Him BAD! 

At one point, i was on top. i could tell He had something in mind by the glint in His eyes. “Stop. Go get me the belt quickly!” i jumped off and ran into the closet, made my selection. Ran back and jumped back on top of His erect cock.

He folded the belt in half. i got extremely wet. He reached around my back. “Whack!” Mmmmm….it was just the right intensity. He gauged my reaction then administered a few more before switching hands.

He gave me a few more solid whacks and they were perfect. Not too hard and not too soft. Enough to make me yelp a bit but not enough to elicit tears.

i wanted to heighten His experience as well….

“Master, would you like to cum on my face?” i saw His eyes widen just for a second then He answered that He would.

Soon He flipped me onto my back, pumping His cock in and out of my pussy with determination. i thought He would cum right then and there, but soon He pulled out and kneeled over me.

Swish – i saw a jet of His fluid shoot right over me and end up on the wall a good 5 feet away! Master S still has game, that’s not to be denied. He lowered His aim and the remaining copious amount ended up on my breasts and stomach. i giggled just at the sight of His overshooting the proposed target. Rubbing His juices onto my skin, i fondled His cock and gave Him some time to take a few deep breaths.

We laughed together at His rambunctiousness. Soon, i cleaned Him off with my tongue as usual (though there wasn’t much left on Him) and made my way to the bathroom to wash off.

It was an absolutely spontaneous evening of serving Master, and in the process, i’d been indulged as well. Even writing about our evening puts a smile on my face and the place in my heart which Master occupies somehow grows even larger…if that’s possible.

Moral of the story: While there are times which require sheer endurance, there are enough of these special moments to make me feel good about serving Master S.

A few musings…

As one who’s taken on the role of “slave” - and i’ve been a difficult one at times -  here are a few reflections…

If a Master decides to take on a sufficient, intelligent sub/slave, then He/She can expect a number of things. A few things that come to mind right now are:

Be prepared for interesting dialogue about the D/s situation. This can be a challenge when one prefers  a sub/slave who can think for themselves.

Subs will take advantage of “loopholes”. This was brought home by silverdreams at http://nakedconfusion.blogspot.com  when she posted a humorous blog on this topic. She sees it as a bit of a game to out-loophole her Master. It had me smiling as i recognized how i’ve done some similar things. (shhh…don’t let Master S know)

Subs will observe a potential Master’s reactions to seemingly ordinary situations…lost baggage…rush hour traffic…minor irritations. If the potential Dom angers easily, then it isn’t safe to allow Him/Her to lead. i can’t put it more bluntly than that.  

Then there will be times we put up a bit of a fuss while following – that resistance rises every now and then. A Master’s firm yet gentle guidance will win us over. It then becomes easier for us to go willingly.

Our training may take a bit longer than it does for “doormat slaves” due to us working it out internally, but once we step through it, we’re fine.

We will test our Masters and Mistresses on many levels…plan on it.  It’s part of the process and we will use these opportunities to take a pulse of the relationship or situation.

We will also test your patience. We’ll throw curveballs. We’ll question the “why’s” and “wherefores” of the existing situation (hopefully in a respectful manner). This is because we don’t consider it do-or-die to be a sub/slave, preferring to make sure the timing and personalities mesh.

We take steps to remain emotionally healthy and appreciate those Doms who value the same.

Sure, we can be a lot of work, but at the end of the day you’re rewarded with a sub/slave who’s an independent thinker, and STILL wants to be by your side…or wherever you want to place us.  

These patient Masters/Mistresses will have a slave who not only serves them well, is a treasured companion, but also has enough spunk to keep things interesting, challenging and fun.

i hope to not always be difficult for Master S, but my one wish is that His patience doesn’t wear out anytime soon!

Early this morning, Master announced that today would be an “intensive training day”. As the teen would be away for the day, He was going to take advantage of her absence.

He laid it all out…

i was to pay extra special attention to protocol. “Sir” and “Master” were to be used at the appropriate times. Gracefulness at all times (difficult as I’d hurt my foot during a workout, resulting in an occasional limp). Nudity as usual. More urine training along with pain and orgasm training. Also stated was the experience of dripping hot wax on my pussy. It was quite the ambitious agenda indeed.

Master took me into the bedroom and instructed me to lay on the bed. Whenever He has me do so, i’m uncertain if it’ll be for pleasure or pain. (i must admit that i don’t have a proclivity toward enjoying pain…which may put me in a category of “inferior slaves”)  So i wait for my fate.

Master begins undressing as well, so i know that at least part of this time will be spent having sex. That makes me tremendously happy. Soon Master is on top, sliding in and out and things are going fine…then things took a turn.

He starts talking about torturing my pussy. Though i know it turns Him on, it’s a bit of a mood-breaker. He’s not talking fantasy. He’s talking about very real, painful events which will take place today. i can handle this type of conversation, but not when my mind is mushy-sweet during sex.

The result is that i feel myself starting to dry up like the Sahara desert.

He then rolls over and i get on top of Him. My mind is racing, thinking that he’ll command me to have an orgasm soon and i won’t be able to do so. My orgasm-o-meter has shut down much like a car battery in sub-zero temps.

Internally, i  panic. The conversation in my head goes something like…

“If i don’t orgasm when He commands, that means more punishment. i don’t want punishment. i don’t want to hear about pain during sex. It takes all the fun out of it. If He wants me to orgasm on-demand, then it removes any spontaneity. No more being playful and loving. i’ll be a robot.”

And on and on and on, my mind spinning out of control. It wasn’t pretty.

The thing is, my thoughts had no ground. Master S is very empathetic and intelligent. He takes a mindful approach and keeps “us” in the forefront. But as stated, i was in a state which wasn’t all that rational. Determined not to cry, i close my eyes and try to maintain a neutral expression. The rhythmic pattern of the sex hadn’t been interrupted during this time.

“Stop” He orders. i stop, but lower my head next to His so He can’t see my face.

 “You are to relax.” He says. i promptly say, “Yes sir” and realize how ironic it sounds when coupled with His directive. Like anyone can just relax on command.

“Look at me” says Master. i hesitantly raise up so i’m looking down at him.

He states “This is supposed to be fun”.  i mumble “Yes sir”.  Then the tears start coming because it ISN’T fun at the moment. Sex with Master is one of my very favorite things and it…just…wasn’t….working. i felt that we were going to “break” it. In my anxiety, i had visions of losing the sheer joy and rapture that it brings.

But Master had a different vision in mind, thank goodness. It’s with head hung low that i admit there are times when i require extra effort.  This was one of them. We talked for a while and Master handled me as He always does…with extreme care and consideration.

Afterward, we made love which induced tremendous, wet slushy orgasms.

I fully expected Master to then implement the slave training as outlined earlier…but He never did. Now i feel as if i disappointed Him. He’d asked me earlier if i enjoyed being taken care of. i replied “Yes” and He asked why. My answer was that it allowed me space to take better care of him.

But right now, Master may very well feel He can’t proceed with slave training…which means i’m not honoring my end of our agreement. As a bit of an overachiever, that stings.

If He can refrain from talking about the pain stuff while we’re having sex, that would help. But as Master, it’s up to Him. Personally, what i need to work on is adopting a better slave mentality and serve Master as He wants to be served.

This morning i forgot to shampoo Master’s hair while in the shower, focusing instead of washing His powerful body. My gaze lingered on His shoulders, chest and strong legs. The washcloth and my hands glided over them, loving the feeling of both hard muscle and tender areas. My mind wandered and the result was that He needed to remind me of the need to shampoo. Not good…

i believe that’s one of the reasons Master struck my pussy a bit harder than usual before He left for work. Tears came to my eyes, but i figured i had it coming. Also, He instructed me to roll over so He could use the rod on my butt as well. A few of those made me yelp.

All that aside, the main purpose of this post is to go over my New Year’s resolution.  Mick at undercontracttomywife  posted his list. Master S thought it was a good idea and tasked me to do the same. So here goes…

desiree’s New Year’s resolutions:

1. Research and implement new techniques for an enjoyable blow-job. As i’m instructed to suck Master’s cock daily, i want to make sure He  doesn’t get bored with it…though He  assures me that He won’t!
2. Keep in mind that Master’s preferences are not necessarily a reflection of His feelings for me. So when He wants to whip my pussy or spank my bottom, it’s because He likes doing it…not because He’s upset with me.
3. Remain focused on even the small things which make Master’s life easier.  That is my job and goal as His Slave.
4. Communicate honestly even when it means putting myself in a vulnerable position.
5. Be open to ways which will enhance conversation and home life for Master. Be His ultimate companion.
6. Keep up with an exercise routine so i retain Master’s pride in my appearance.
7. View my position as worthy, though secondary to Master. He makes all final decisions.
8. Be quicker in answering questions as posed to me by Master. Spend less time waffling when it comes to simple decisions.
9. Continue to research various areas of D/s which are of interest to us. Report my findings to Master when appropriate to do so.
10. Love Master…He’s a good man. He has my soul. My heart. My being.

i’m looking forward to spending 2010 in Master’s company. i believe that the resolutions listed here will keep our relationship in the forefront of our lives…as it has been, and should be.

To all our friends and fellow bloggers,

Master S and i wish you love, health and the fortitude to achieve your greatest aspirations…whatever those may be.

We wish you challenges as well as rewards along your journey. For without the challenges, the rewards aren’t as sweet.

We wish you a steady compass to navigate by. Remaining true to yourself is the clearest indicator of remaining on the path.

Appreciate each other, and keep spreading the culture of non-judgement. It’s truly a beautiful thing.

Best wishes for 2010,

Master S and desiree

P.S. We’re traveling this weekend so will be out of touch until next week.

“I do not want to be the leader. I refuse to be the leader. I want to live darkly and richly in my femaleness. I want a man lying over me, always over me. His will, his pleasure, his desire, his life, his work, his sexuality the touchstone, the command, my pivot.

I don’t mind working, holding my ground intellectually, artistically; but as a woman, oh, God, as a woman I want to be dominated. I don’t mind being told to stand on my own feet, not to cling, be all that I am capable of doing, but I am going to be pursued, fucked, possessed by the will of a male at his time, his bidding.”  -Anais Nin

Last night, the memory of this quote came to mind. We were lying together, watching Monday night television. Just the closeness of Him can make me wet. And horny. i wanted Him bad. As if psychic, His fingers crept over to my pussy and began stroking lightly. It felt like an electric shock running through me. My thoughts centered only on the exquisite sensations He was producing. It wasn’t long before i took His hand and began urging Him to stroke harder.

Then i heard it…that unmistakable timbre in his voice that was “the Dom”. Authoritative, commanding and secure in His knowledge that i’ll do His bidding. The voice that compels me to obey as if there is no other option.

“On your back.” i promptly flipped over and raised my legs in the assumed position. He knelt on the bed and slid His cock into my wet pussy as is His right. Looking down at me, His eyes made it clear there’d be no refusing His wishes. He pumped in and out of me, bringing me to the edge. Knowing that the skin around the opening was a bit tender due to my enthusiastic grinding against Him the day before, He paid no heed. i felt the blood rush to the area as He continued working His magic.

“Cum, slave” said Master. i happily obliged but Master knows that a single orgasm is just the beginning. He laid down over me and commanded me to cum again. i worked my body against His – reveling in His maleness – until the demand was met. He then rolled over and placed me on top of Him.

He directed me to take his cock only as far as the tip, i wasn’t to push down the full length of His shaft. It drove me crazy, feeling just the head of His cock, yearning to feel all of Him inside of me. But i couldn’t argue. It was all i could do to not slam my pussy all the down to his base. Finally, i heard the anticipated command. “Cum”. All it took was to imagine what it would feel like to have all of Him. I had just started to cum when He forcefully drove His cock in and out of my wet pussy. It was all i could do to hang onto sanity…then we both came together with a vengeance.

Sweet sweet surrender to my Master.

Monday morning. i showered and shaved Master. i also sucked on His cock while He was brushing His teeth and licked His butt while He was flossing (am not a big fan of that particular duty). i got His breakfast ready and even had time to go warm up His vehicle, as the temp was a brisk 4 degrees this morning.

Before He left for the office though, He wanted to employ a bit of training. i knew this was on His mind, so was fully expecting it. i was a bit nervous as he’s been giving my genital piercing time to heal. The last time He struck that area, the pain took my breath away.

So…today was a bit of a test run. He selected a braided brown leather belt. Folded it in half. Instructed me to lay on the bed, legs in the air and spread wide. i was to hold onto my ankles and not let go until He was finished.

The first strike landed to the right of my clit. It wasn’t so bad. i found myself bracing for the excruciating pain that would potentially happen when He hit the piercing.

The next blow landed smack dab on top of the clit ring. Although it carried impact as far as sensation, it didn’t force me into a fetal position. i did a mental fist-pump. Master is always measuring my responses so i know He took my reaction as a “go ahead”.

He didn’t necessarily apply more force, but did place a few more strikes before calling it good. He offered His hand to help me off the bed and was perhaps surprised at my good cheer which was mostly fueled by relief.

Speaking of piercings….

We got some new nipple jewelry this weekend at the mall. There was a sweet, innocent-looking girl working the Piercing Pagoda kiosk. She was quite helpful and didn’t blink an eye when this middle-aged couple (us) was asking about the selections for nipple and genital areas.

We selected a rather dainty-looking set with rhinestones (will include a photo later) as well as something a bit more colorful. i’m not totally sure what Master will want me to wear while we’re in Cancun but now He has more to choose from. Inserting them was rather easy, though i did have to ask Master to help remove the rings that were already in place as those required pliers.

Up until a few months ago, i never would have thought…

• i’d have body piercings
• i’d be shopping for nipple jewelry.
• i’d be in this unconventional relationship
• i’d be challenged on a daily basis

Or that

i could be so fulfilled in a manner which defies all i’ve been taught to believe.

For this, i thank Master S for his patience, honesty, and constant communication. He allows me to trust and walk with Him on this journey.

Master and i were lazing in bed on the morning of Christmas Eve. He turned to me and stated that the next 2 days were going to be “normal couple” days. We could forego the D/s protocol until the morning after Christmas. In fact, i was to remove the collar. At the end of this time, i would have the option whether or not to continue with the D/s relationship.

 i’d  been somewhat expecting something like this. He’d been reserved for a few days and i was waiting for Him to share what was on His mind. Apparently He wonders why i would want to accompany Him on this journey, especially since i don’t share some of His kinks. He explained that the time spent without the trappings of D/s will allow me to better make the decision whether or not to continue. What i didn’t tell Him was that i already knew my answer, but i fully intended to enjoy this little break.

And…I decided that i would wear the collar and view it as a piece of jewelry instead. It was with a delicious sense of mischief that i took advantage of this “normal” time.

Later that morning, things heated up in the bedroom. We were standing quite close to each other and i began kissing Him deeply, holding His neck with one hand and grasping His back with the other. Soon, we were undressed and i led Him to the bed.  i bent over the bed and directed Him to take me from behind.

He started to do so, then gave me a spank on the right butt-cheek. It seemed a bit of a test. i allowed Him to place a few more spanks. He could tell i liked it. With a smile in His voice, He said, “I think we both know what your answer is going to be. We might as well stop the drama now and call it good.” But i wasn’t going to give Him the satisfaction of hearing my decision before the designated time. He knows me quite well, and this was a way for me to keep Him guessing for once.

We wound up on the bed for “free form sex” – my favorite.  That means sex without direction…just cutting loose and playing. The sound of my wetness against Master’s cock was almost embarrassing, but not enough to make me stop. At one point, Master pulled on my hair (am not sure if it was intentional) but i told him, in an irritated voice, that it hurt. i felt quite cheeky doing that!

I ended up being fucked silly. For real. It took me about 15 minutes to become coherent as well as muster the will to move any of my limbs. Master brought me some water upon my request as my mouth was dry. Bodily fluids needed to be replenished.

Our “normal” day resumed. i wasn’t nude at any point. i sat beside Him without asking permission. No clothespins. No pussy inspections. i didn’t defer to him…though i did find myself occasionally addressing Him as “Sir” out of habit. All the while, grinning on the inside and feeling just a bit naughty.

There’s a beauty in connecting as two individuals in this more casual manner but i admit that i felt as if something was missing. What Master and i have found in the D/s relationship is that there aren’t power struggles. We know our roles and what’s expected. So far, Master has proved to be a very good leader. Because of this, I’ve had no issues following him.

We had a beautiful Christmas together and i was quite spoiled with Master’s generous gifts. i still held onto my verbal decision even though there were a few moments when i wanted to tell him.

This morning was the official time. i already knew that i’d  get back in line as Master’s slave, but He still wasn’t 100% positive. As is our D/s protocol, i requested to get out of bed but only after firming up His cock with my mouth. At that point, He must’ve known my decision but had to ask. i answered in the affirmative and now we’re back to this lifestyle along with both its pleasures and challenges.

It was a nice break, but i know that with Master S i can safely allow my submissive tendencies to surface. So we’re back to what’s become “normal” for us…a loving, 24/7 D/s relationship.

One very dear woman in our bdsm community was verbally made to feel like she was “sick” due to her online posting of a vivid “discipline” dream.  In my email interactions with her, I felt her warmth in the words that she writes.

As far as her background, she and her husband are now bravely reframing their lives together, incorporating bdsm practices. i applaud them both. But to have her post bashed – even though her site posts a content warning  - is pretty nervy.  <rolling eyes>,

Let’s think this through…

Someone is surfing the internet. They come across her site (most likely looking for bdsm material) and even click the “I agree” button on the warning page. They read her lengthy post, then leave a comment which suggests that she’s depraved.

i’m going to resist the urge to call that person a coward or small-minded. By doing so, i’d be jumping right into the same pool of finger-pointing. What it really shows is that there are many fearful people out there who don’t accept others unless they conform to their narrow standards.

Master and i came together as a normal couple. He was very upfront with His tastes and proclivities but didn’t try to push them on me. We enjoyed each other’s company and fell in love as individuals. At the time, He was struggling to figure out where His fantasies were leading Him. i loved him and wanted to walk with Him on this journey, not knowing how we’d end up. Above all else, i admired his honesty and openness.  If i’d opted to take a standard view, i would’ve missed out on this truly beautiful man.

Not everyone can do so…

There’s a common theory that states “Whatever is repressed, gets expressed”.  Basically, when someone presents themselves to the world as “better than” (think homophobics, racists or conservative religious), they want others to place them on a pedestal. Ah, but these flimsy pedestals are easily toppled as evidenced by people such as Jimmy Swaggart, and most recently, Tiger Woods.

As my entry into the world of bdsm is quite recent, i have to say that so far, i’ve found very real, caring and authentic people at the core. They’ve mostly come to terms with who they are. They’re extremely accepting of other people’s kinks as well.

Whoever left that nasty comment should really take a look at themselves and figure out exactly what they’re afraid of. After all, each and every one of us possesses qualities that aren’t easy to look at. But once we do – and open ourselves up to the light of non-judgment  and caring – then we no longer need to fear that which is unfamiliar.

There’s no need to leave hurtful, anonymous posts. Life’s too short for that.

It’s Friday. Master S’s office party will be taking place this evening at an elegant restaurant. i’m determined to make Master proud of my presentation to his colleagues and staff. They’ve all seen me before, but typically it’s been in a more casual fashion. Tonight i’m pulling out the stops. Lipstick, full make-up, an off-the-shoulder red sweater, skinny pants and boots. Master likes to watch men’s heads turn when i enter a room. Because of this, i’ve become much more conscious about taking advantage of my natural presence.

If i might say, this is one of many things i thoroughly enjoy about Master. He’s not jealous as He knows that i’m going home with him.

Which leads me to other things i fully appreciate about my beloved Master…

His honest, direct communication. Without His lead in this area, i couldn’t be in such a relationship. It would degenerate into one which contained many unspoken issues. This unfortunately seems to be the standard for most couples.

His firm knowledge of what He wants. i’ve known upfront about His likes and dislikes…no surprises. There are areas we’re slowly walking into that at this time seem unpleasant to me, but i’ve gone into this with full awareness.

His humor. Though Master doesn’t smile much, His dry humor is often unexpected and quite on-target. It’s a good complement to my silliness.

His intelligence. When Master makes a statement or demand, most times there’s a fair amount of thought behind it. Not much is done “just because”. Again, this is good for me in that i tend to be somewhat scattered.

His caring. Even after a discipline session, Master takes extraordinary steps in after-care to ensure that “we” are still strong. It’s His attention to us as a real-life couple that melts my heart.

His physique. Master is very strong yet He never uses that strength against me. Even during times of correction, i know he’s holding back. For that, i’m eternally grateful.

His creativity. It takes many forms and expresses the inner workings of His mind.

His need for morning coffee…and lots of it. Yes, i do love this as well. It’s his kryptonite.

All of these are just a sliver of why i love him so. He’s my “other”. The flip side of the coin.

Though i use this blog as a means of venting, it’s no small matter that we’re together. Master S is a wonderful partner and one which i’d want to walk beside…no matter how the relationship was structured.