intensive training day…i failed

Early this morning, Master announced that today would be an “intensive training day”. As the teen would be away for the day, He was going to take advantage of her absence.

He laid it all out…

i was to pay extra special attention to protocol. “Sir” and “Master” were to be used at the appropriate times. Gracefulness at all times (difficult as I’d hurt my foot during a workout, resulting in an occasional limp). Nudity as usual. More urine training along with pain and orgasm training. Also stated was the experience of dripping hot wax on my pussy. It was quite the ambitious agenda indeed.

Master took me into the bedroom and instructed me to lay on the bed. Whenever He has me do so, i’m uncertain if it’ll be for pleasure or pain. (i must admit that i don’t have a proclivity toward enjoying pain…which may put me in a category of “inferior slaves”)  So i wait for my fate.

Master begins undressing as well, so i know that at least part of this time will be spent having sex. That makes me tremendously happy. Soon Master is on top, sliding in and out and things are going fine…then things took a turn.

He starts talking about torturing my pussy. Though i know it turns Him on, it’s a bit of a mood-breaker. He’s not talking fantasy. He’s talking about very real, painful events which will take place today. i can handle this type of conversation, but not when my mind is mushy-sweet during sex.

The result is that i feel myself starting to dry up like the Sahara desert.

He then rolls over and i get on top of Him. My mind is racing, thinking that he’ll command me to have an orgasm soon and i won’t be able to do so. My orgasm-o-meter has shut down much like a car battery in sub-zero temps.

Internally, i  panic. The conversation in my head goes something like…

“If i don’t orgasm when He commands, that means more punishment. i don’t want punishment. i don’t want to hear about pain during sex. It takes all the fun out of it. If He wants me to orgasm on-demand, then it removes any spontaneity. No more being playful and loving. i’ll be a robot.”

And on and on and on, my mind spinning out of control. It wasn’t pretty.

The thing is, my thoughts had no ground. Master S is very empathetic and intelligent. He takes a mindful approach and keeps “us” in the forefront. But as stated, i was in a state which wasn’t all that rational. Determined not to cry, i close my eyes and try to maintain a neutral expression. The rhythmic pattern of the sex hadn’t been interrupted during this time.

“Stop” He orders. i stop, but lower my head next to His so He can’t see my face.

 “You are to relax.” He says. i promptly say, “Yes sir” and realize how ironic it sounds when coupled with His directive. Like anyone can just relax on command.

“Look at me” says Master. i hesitantly raise up so i’m looking down at him.

He states “This is supposed to be fun”.  i mumble “Yes sir”.  Then the tears start coming because it ISN’T fun at the moment. Sex with Master is one of my very favorite things and it…just…wasn’t….working. i felt that we were going to “break” it. In my anxiety, i had visions of losing the sheer joy and rapture that it brings.

But Master had a different vision in mind, thank goodness. It’s with head hung low that i admit there are times when i require extra effort.  This was one of them. We talked for a while and Master handled me as He always does…with extreme care and consideration.

Afterward, we made love which induced tremendous, wet slushy orgasms.

I fully expected Master to then implement the slave training as outlined earlier…but He never did. Now i feel as if i disappointed Him. He’d asked me earlier if i enjoyed being taken care of. i replied “Yes” and He asked why. My answer was that it allowed me space to take better care of him.

But right now, Master may very well feel He can’t proceed with slave training…which means i’m not honoring my end of our agreement. As a bit of an overachiever, that stings.

If He can refrain from talking about the pain stuff while we’re having sex, that would help. But as Master, it’s up to Him. Personally, what i need to work on is adopting a better slave mentality and serve Master as He wants to be served.