Am in an odd mood this morning, feeling as if something’s amiss. There’s a sense of uneasiness which is perhaps to be occasionally expected when one has handed over control.

Last night after generously allowing me a few orgasms, Master wanted to take me anally. One of the thoughts running through my head was that Master was perhaps finding it difficult to cum in the usual manner…and that perhaps reflected on me or an inability to please Him. (i know, i know… it’s not all about me) i’m embarrassed to say there were a few tears at first entry, as it was a bit painful. i believe i would’ve enjoyed it more if it hadn’t been for my preoccupation with Master’s pleasure.

Note: i realize that Master chooses not to cum all the time, so my concern was based on my own insecurities.

Later, Master didn’t sleep well so something may have been weighing on his mind. i quietly slipped out of bed in order to allow Him space to get comfortable. His work days demand a degree of attention to detail, so i’m cognizant that His need for rest supersedes mine.  My intention was to remain alert until i heard His breathing settle into the familiar slow, rhythmic pattern of sleep. Instead, i ended up falling asleep even with the best of those intentions.

When the alarm rang this morning, i realized that the night had slipped away. i then burrowed in beside Master. i love being in that spot – skin on skin – and felt like i’d missed out greatly on that tactile pleasure.  We proceeded with the morning routine which includes my care of Him in the shower, shaving and general grooming.

During breakfast, Master received a text message – read it with a sly smile on His face but made no comment. My stomach turned. (later i found out it was his ex texting about escrow details on the house they own but can’t seem to sell). i realize that i’m responsible for my own reactions and that this may very well be the result of past shadows and painful “learning experiences” due to misplaced trust.

Master may not be pleased with this post, so i struggled with whether or not to publish it. My decision to do so is based on His wanting to know my thought processes, as unattractive as they may be at times. Hopefully a bit of meditation today will help release this insecurity as i know it’s not productive or helpful.