Entries from November 2009 ↓

getting Master’s stamp on my body

Master phones “We’re going out tonight. Wear a dress with no underwear or bra.” It’s cold outside, but i know it’s one of his favorite ways for me to be dressed. So i slipped on a tank top and a nice red sweater. Then a skirt and some boots.

He gets home, takes a look and says, “I want you in a 1-piece dress”.   i’m not happy, but i start digging around for a suitable dress. Master directs me to a certain dress which is sleeveless. i’m growing upset. If we’re going out, then i’ll look like an idiot in a sleeveless dress, no bra, and pale legs. But this is part of my servitude.

i request to wear a bra for this particular dress as it’s form-fitting. He allows it but only after stating that it’s only because i’ll feel better about it.

Then He instructs me to wear sandals! Talk about a fashion no-no. i start to get pissed but rummage around looking for a pair of brown sandals to wear. i find only 1 sandal and look for the missing mate. My attitude takes a turn for the worse and i mutter things under my breath.

Master tells me to improve my attitude. i agree to do so, but my jaw is clenched and i’m resistant. He tells me to put on a pair of high heels rather than sandals as i can’t locate a complete pair.

Have to admit, i’m looking pretty good in the dress, heels, a shawl and a long coat.

My cold has been getting worse throughout the day so i take some cold medicine before we go. i grab two gelcaps and gulp them down. Crap…i took Nyquil instead of Dayquil. Fuck! Medication works well for me. Sometimes too well.  Too late to do anything about it now.

Then we leave. He doesn’t tell me where we’re going. When we pull off the highway onto an exit where the seedier side of town is, my fears start to kick in. i get quiet…real quiet.

Master has been talking about my getting some piercings as his “mark” on me. He wants both nipples and a genital piercing. When i ask, He does confirm this is where we’re going. i’m not sure i’m ready for this.

The shop we pull up to has quite a few cars outside…a good sign. We walk inside and there are other people meandering around the waiting area. We stick out like sore thumbs – well dressed and quite a bit older than the other customers. i’m resigned to seeing this through.

Josh – the piercer – takes us to one of the back rooms. He’s a short kid who only comes up to my collarbone. Master discusses with him what He wants. i try not to panic.  Josh tells me that i’m looking pretty calm. i don’t bring up the Nyquil.

i have to strip down naked except for my high heels. He stands in front of me, eye-level with my breasts, and remarks, “Nice!” If the circumstances were different, i’d perhaps be pleased but there’s no appreciation at this moment, just a feeling of dread.  He takes a pen and marks both sides of the nipples. All the while, he and Master are discussing what type of jewelry to put there.  i’m not brought into the conversation. i think Josh knows what’s going on.

i’m directed to lay down on the table. i do, feeling self-conscious. For Josh, it appears to be no big deal. Master stands by my head and holds my hand. i’m grateful for that. He has a pleased look in His eye and i know he enjoys showing me off in this manner.

Josh says, “Take a deep breath.” i do and then BAM!  i let out a yelp. It frickin’ hurts!!! The pain is almost unbearable. i mean, i’ve handled painful situations such as childbirth before but this is something people do voluntarily? Holy crap.

i look down and there appears to be a nail with a cork on the end driven through my nipple. Apparently the ring isn’t immediately inserted as it’s a 2-step process. Then he preps the second nipple. He promises that the first one is always the worst. We all know he’s lying.

The second nipple gets pierced. i’m squeezing Master’s hand…hard.

Before the pain recedes, Josh removes the nail and inserts the ring. It’s just as bad as the initial sensation. i want to jump out and run – even naked. At this point, i don’t care about modesty. Then Josh tells me that he’s never had someone as loud as me before. i don’t believe him in the least. He didn’t do anything to even numb the area first. Asshole…

He finishes and i don’t bother to look down as i’m still dealing with the pain. Blood, guts, or even pain for that matter – i’m not a fan.  He asks Master for his opinion and they agree it looks good.

Then they start poking around my lower anatomy in a clinical manner until a decision on where to pierce and what to place there has been reached.

He starts the process. i can barely tolerate it but he eventually gets the job done. The pain is still very present. i open my eyes and look down. There’s blood running out of my left nipple. The right one is dripping, but not nearly as much. Also, the genital piercing is also producing blood. i hadn’t realized it but my body is shaking perhaps from shock and also because i haven’t eaten anything since lunch.

Josh shows Master how to get the rings in and out. Apparently some pliers are necessary in order to do this. Yeah, i can picture going into Home Depot looking for tools to disengage the hardware. “Aisle 7 – right next to the wire cutters.” Uh huh.

Josh leaves the room in order for us to get cleaned up. Master grabs some paper towels and blots up the blood. At this point, i’m really glad i took the Nyquil.

I’m 48 years old and getting body piercings? That’ll give the future nursing homes something to talk about at least.

Master helps me to get cleaned up. Blood has run onto my arm, stomach, into my butt crack and onto the table. i work to control my shaking. Energy level has bottomed out and i’m far from perky. i need food. Fast.

Josh takes us up front and gives directions on keeping the areas clean. He says he thinks we’re cool. i just want to get out of there, especially after i see one of the customers take out her cell phone. The thought flashes through my mind that she’s using it to take pictures of us. I positioned myself out of her line of sight…just in case. The last thing i want is to have photos posted on the internet. “Old People Getting Piercings”

We leave the shop and find a good restaurant. The Nyquil and shock have combined to make me lethargic and perhaps a bit ill-tempered.

The meal was good, even if i had to work to keep my head up. On the way home, Master allows me to lean the seat back and close my eyes. The pinching sensations don’t go away, but they’re manageable. When we get home, i carefully took the bra off (ouch) and was somewhat horrified to see the amount of blood gathered on the left side. i’d figured it would be like ear-piercing, but apparently not.

Now a week later, i’m happy i got the piercings. It was an experience and it also pleases Master.

handling pain – why do it?

First, i’d like to thank luna for her words on dealing with pain. You see, i’m not a pain-junkie. i don’t crave it, nor particularly enjoy it all that much. But Master S does…and that’s where the struggle comes in.

If i don’t like pain, then why endure it? Why would i continue to be in a lifestyle where my body would be used in that manner? Master S kept asking me to figure it out. It was perplexing to him as well, but now i’ve come to terms with the reasons.

As luna said, if we’re not hard-wired to enjoy pain, then we can learn to find peace and joy in handling what our Masters serve up to us. THIS is the answer, and it feels right. Being of a submissive nature, i want to please. This is yet another way for me to take pride in serving.

It’s not about being a martyr or victim. It’s about providing service for the man i adore. Plain and simple.

Would love to hear thoughts on this topic from other subs. (hard-wired or not)

submissive spirituality

Giving up of self and ego – that’s the spiritual path for submissives. Much time has been spent in this realm of thought, and i believe that’s where we have the opportunity to make the greatest gains. There are times when i still just want to blurt out my own opinions or thoughts, but i’m getting better at examining the times to do so. Master enjoys the banter and doesn’t inhibit me from sharing, but i’ve become much more conscious especially as the use of “Sir” and “Master” forces me to take a look at my verbal patterns.

This awareness is in line with many spiritual teachings (which i’ve crudely encapsulated below):

Eckhart Tolle – Be still and remain present.

Pema Chodron – examine your need to be heard, and laugh at the passing of these thoughts as they flow in and out of our bodies.

Tao –  In order to achieve peace, we have to realize our strength lies in serving. (i love the water verse listed below, and aspire to remind myself of it daily… i recommend Stephen Mitchell’s translations of it.)

Verse 66

“All streams flow to the sea

because it is lower than they are.

Humility gives it its power.

If you want to govern the people,

you must place yourself below them.

If you want to lead the people,

you must learn how to follow them.

The Master is above the people,

and no one feels oppressed.

She goes ahead of the people,

and no one feels manipulated.

The whole world is grateful to her

because she competes with no one

so no one can compete with her.”

 

Also found within the above verse is the insight that a “good” Master doesn’t make others feel oppressed. i have to admit that i don’t feel oppressed by Master S, but rather take pleasure in His leading.