are you a “natural” submissive?

There’s a distinction to be made between a “natural” sub and one that gets off only on the sexual side of it. Many discussions with Master S have led to the conclusion that people who view the sub role as sexual fantasy will not be able to sustain a 24/7 lifestyle. For them the occasional scene is more to their liking. Then they can dust themselves off and go about their lives as they so choose afterwards.

At times, in an attempt to live their fantasies 24/7, some force themselves to take on a continuous sub role that’s not a natural fit, such as Master S did. It serves to create resentment if done with the pretense of making it into a lifestyle. This is a BIG point to take to heart. 

You see, Master S has had sub fantasies (more in the past than the present time). When he would carry out an order while in the sub role, he’d chafe at doing so. He didn’t find joy in carrying out the task, but rather viewed it as something to be endured.  It was always easier for him when he was sexually stimulated, but sexual energy can’t be sustained every minute of every day. After a while, resentment would grow and I can just imagine how irritated he’d get. Not to mention the things he’d try to do in order to be caught and punished for that sexual turn-on.

When we were initially talking about his being my sub, i realized it would feel like work for both of us. i’d constantly need to check up on him just to make sure he wasn’t committing any felonies. i’d end up being his jailer without much time for relaxation or enjoyment of “us”.

This situation doesn’t bode well for a relationship where the participants are thinking long-term. How long can someone internalize their resentment and potential anger before it seeps out the cracks? Not remaining true to your innate nature is bound to create division within yourself, and then it flows outward from there, affecting all those involved. Though it may look good on paper (or in your dreams), it doesn’t work in an ongoing committed relationship…or at least a happy one.

Whereas, someone who’s naturally submissive seeks to serve. By no means should this be interpreted as saying a sub is a doormat. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. The Tao admonishes, “Be like water”. Our strength is in yielding…a sustaining, consistent force for those we serve. A Dom’s strength is their ability to exert mindful direction, yet it’s up to the sub whether or not to obey. With that awareness, we need each other. The universal yin and yang.

i consider my service to Master as a joy. Knowing this one simple fact tells me that yes, i am a “natural”submissive.