Today, Master S instituted a “perfect room” day. That means that whatever room He picks needs to be cleaned in a perfect manner by the time He gets home from work. As my behind still bears witness to the hairbrush from last night, i wasn’t eager to do a less-than-spectacular job on the cleaning.

Today He chose the living room/dining room as the perfect room. <sigh> There’s heavy furniture to move in this space, but i knew there’d better not be lack of effort on my part.

So i handled my business calls in the morning, then set out to complete the task at hand. Walls were scrubbed, light fixtures cleaned, chairs moved, a heavy wooden chest was dragged away from its usual resting spot, the dining room table was hauled off the heavy oriental rug as well (the rug was taken outside and shaken out). Of course, vacuuming and dusting were included. I was a bit concerned when 4:00 arrived.

i still had to make a picture-perfect dinner, get showered and groom myself to be presentable for Master when He walked in the door. As it was, i wasn’t able to work out due to the duties of the day. i would’ve liked to have done so, but will have to face James, my trainer, tomorrow.

Anyway, i fretted most of the day as to where Master might find a stray speck of dust. Nothing escaped my efforts as far as i could tell. The threat of punishment is a motivator for me, though i’d be positively motivated just by Master requesting the task to be done to perfection. A nod of His head and a word of appreciation is always appreciated.

Master walked in the door and i was in the proper greeting position – kneeling, forehead on the floor, arms in front and wrists crossed, fingers straight in a pleasing manner. My knees were spread far enough apart to allow my feet to touch each other at the big toes, arches nicely displayed.

i thought Master would start His inspection immediately upon arrival, but He allowed me to get up and asked if i thought i’d done a good job. Meanwhile, the roast and potatoes were filling the house with a mouth-watering aroma. i told him that i’d worked hard to get it as near perfection as i could. He asked if there were any areas He should inspect…i couldn’t think of any that didn’t get my attention.

He surprised me by saying then that was good enough for Him. i was filled with a sense of relief, not wishing to replay similar sensations as i experienced last night. It took a few minutes for me to relax but we soon settled into just being with each other.

Master S really doesn’t have to worry about my stepping out of line on purpose just to get punished. In fact, it’s a motivator for me to remain on task just so i won’t have to undergo the experience more than necessary. Perhaps that makes His job easier but I know that He wouldn’t mind it if i liked a bit of pain every now and then.

There’s a distinction to be made between a “natural” sub and one that gets off only on the sexual side of it. Many discussions with Master S have led to the conclusion that people who view the sub role as sexual fantasy will not be able to sustain a 24/7 lifestyle. For them the occasional scene is more to their liking. Then they can dust themselves off and go about their lives as they so choose afterwards.

At times, in an attempt to live their fantasies 24/7, some force themselves to take on a continuous sub role that’s not a natural fit, such as Master S did. It serves to create resentment if done with the pretense of making it into a lifestyle. This is a BIG point to take to heart. 

You see, Master S has had sub fantasies (more in the past than the present time). When he would carry out an order while in the sub role, he’d chafe at doing so. He didn’t find joy in carrying out the task, but rather viewed it as something to be endured.  It was always easier for him when he was sexually stimulated, but sexual energy can’t be sustained every minute of every day. After a while, resentment would grow and I can just imagine how irritated he’d get. Not to mention the things he’d try to do in order to be caught and punished for that sexual turn-on.

When we were initially talking about his being my sub, i realized it would feel like work for both of us. i’d constantly need to check up on him just to make sure he wasn’t committing any felonies. i’d end up being his jailer without much time for relaxation or enjoyment of “us”.

This situation doesn’t bode well for a relationship where the participants are thinking long-term. How long can someone internalize their resentment and potential anger before it seeps out the cracks? Not remaining true to your innate nature is bound to create division within yourself, and then it flows outward from there, affecting all those involved. Though it may look good on paper (or in your dreams), it doesn’t work in an ongoing committed relationship…or at least a happy one.

Whereas, someone who’s naturally submissive seeks to serve. By no means should this be interpreted as saying a sub is a doormat. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. The Tao admonishes, “Be like water”. Our strength is in yielding…a sustaining, consistent force for those we serve. A Dom’s strength is their ability to exert mindful direction, yet it’s up to the sub whether or not to obey. With that awareness, we need each other. The universal yin and yang.

i consider my service to Master as a joy. Knowing this one simple fact tells me that yes, i am a “natural”submissive.