spanking – tears – adoration

Yesterday, He caught me by surprise. Spanked me hard as a punishment without telling me what it was for. Did i sincerely dislike Him in that moment?  Yes indeed, especially as i wasn’t sure what the punishment was for.

i’d had a hard day – getting used to this slave mindset and all. Worked hard at getting my list of “to do’s” done all while juggling the emotional rollercoaster the newness of this lifestyle brings. i thought i was doing well…until that first hard smack. There was dust on the countertop ledge apparently (my bad).

The tears started coming, at first in anger. Then, they just wouldn’t stop. i felt i was losing “self”. Losing  the real person-to-person connection with Master. If the relationship became a mere façade for just a bdsm thing, i’d rather be on my own. Unlike some slaves, i need to feel that authentic core of love and caring.

i cried and cried and cried. Poor Master…he had a sloppily emotional woman on His hands. As He knows i’m struggling with the term “slave”, Master suggested we use “personal attendant” for now…until i get further along in my training. Works for me!

Master resolves to let me know ahead of time what the punishment is for.  For my part, I’m trying to relax and truly have fun with this situation. We’ll both make mistakes along the way and i need to give him time to adjust as well. There’s no need to be a perfectionist especially during the training period.

As it turns out, my emotional breakdown was quite cathartic. i woke up this morning feeling refreshed and ready to tackle yet another day. And…i must say that i adore Master even more for responding to my tears in a heartful and caring manner. i’m the luckiest personal attendant ever!