Master S asked me to journal the reasons why i’ve made the choice to be in a Dom/sub relationship.

The dynamics of the D/s relationship suit me. i now know that in the past, i foolishly mistook “control freaks” for Doms. They’re not the same thing. There’s a huge difference between someone who’s so insecure that they need to exert control over others vs. a Dom who commands respect due to his quiet authority.

It’s in this capacity that i can finally give myself over to someone.

i’m certainly not a helpless dependent creature. Along the way, i’ve established myself professionally as a writer. Helped business owners and entrepreneurs further their own businesses with my copywriting services. i’ve also traveled internationally to several countries and loved doing so.  

So “why sub – and why now?” Good question…

There’s a sense of being in a comfort zone – strange as it may sound. Granted, Master S doesn’t insist that i give up my identity nor is he overtly cruel. Yet the pleasure i feel when he’s pleased is a reward in itself.

Letting go of ego -  i’ve taken this on as a bit of a spiritual quest. There’s an internal struggle to obey consistently, especially when i feel like being ornery. i have to lay that aside, knowing this is my choice. Serving Master S and letting go of any resentments makes me stronger.

Trust – i fully trust Master S. Wanting to give myself – body, mind and spirit –to hold in His hands is exciting. It also feels like falling into a soft easy chair. That’s not to say that i’m always treated gently, because i’m not.  But the feeling of sanctuary is present.

After having raised children and tended to other people’s needs, it was time to take a look at what i needed/wanted. For me, handing over the reins of making big decisions or even allowing someone else to be in charge is a huge relief.   i recognize that we do indeed “allow” someone to be in charge. It’s not something that can be taken by force though many subs seem to feel that’s the case. It isn’t. Yet up to this time, there hasn’t been someone i’ve felt was trustworthy and who’d protect what i offered.

Relief – As someone who had little support for most of my life, it was always a struggle to constantly have my “male energy” up and running – for a business, a household and raising kids . As someone with sub tendencies, it felt as if i was in constant battle-mode. It wore me out. At the beginning of our relationship, i remember pretty much collapsing in tears against Master S. He was surprised when i told him that i was just so tired of feeling like i was constantly swimming upstream – fists raised – trying to make life work. It was a bit of an aha moment for me as well.

i’d never felt comfortable allowing someone to see my “weakness”. But with Master S it’s a constant revealing and…it’s okay with him.

For Master S to step in with his beautiful maleness and offer me this shelter/lifestyle, is a gift. Although i know we’d be together anyway, i want to walk this journey beside him. He is “the one”.

Master S has my devotion, gratitude and servitude. i trust no other with my very being. He treats this gift with respect and for that reason i’m able to submit and serve.